I took my place in the front of the Zumba class, ready to dance (well move awkwardly). There are mirrors all around. This larger women caught my eye. This women was wearing the exact same thing I was wearing. She kind of looked like me but was larger. I did a double take only to realize she was ME! What? I'm that big? I had to look at the person next to me and then look at her reflection to confirm the mirrors were not fun house mirrors, purposely skewed to make you look bigger than you are. I was in SHOCK. All this work, and I still look that big? In my head, I am fitter, leaner, stronger, thinner than the person I was. I am just waiting for my body to catch up. I know all of the following, but it was tough tonight:
1. You didn't put in on overnight and it's not going to fall off overnight
2. It's better to lose weight slowly, so you don't gain it back
I can't explain how frustrating it is that I let myself get this big. I'm telling you, now that my eyes are ALL the way opened, I see my body for what it is. I'm not feeling sorry for myself, I'm just realizing how much I have stuffed my image of myself and have not owned it for its true size. I am realizing how much of a battle this is going to be.
I DO know:
1. It will make me successful since I AM changed on the inside and have owned it.
2. This is tough but I am tougher.
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