WOW!!! Hard to believe it has been 1 month to the day that I made a choice. Not to simply exist, but to LIVE. My friends, there is a difference and I can testify to the difference.
Past
I was existing. I was limping (literally). I hurt nonstop. Feet, hips, knees. I was refusing to sit on the floor with my girls, and dreaded the look in their eyes when they didn't know why their mom wouldn't get on the floor with them to play. I had a fear that I would not be able to get up. I had a fear of flying. Not the normal fear that you think of. A fear that the seatbelt wouldn't fit one day. A fear of getting teased. Not that I would get teased, but that my daughters would get teased for having a mom that overweight. A fear of going to amusment parks with my family that I wouldn't be able to walk the entire day, or not be able to fit through the turnstyle. A fear that everyone I walked by, with Andrew by my side, would think "Why is he with her? He can do MUCH better than that". These WERE very real fears. They CONSUMED me.
Present
I am LIVING. I LOVE to sit on the floor and play with my girls. I look forward to flying to see how much extra room is left on the seat belt strap. I look forward to dropping my kids off at school and am proud to walk in as their mom. I cannot wait to eat out. Not for the same reasons as before, but because I am empowered and LOVE that I make smart powerful choices for me. I LOVE that I leave food on plate at resturants.I LOVE going out with my husband and not having the fear of everyone looking at us wondering why we are together. The fears have changed to celebrations. Every day is now a celebration to me. I am changed on the inside and am now working hard to get the outside match my healthy inside.
Future
I plan to continue LIVING. I cannot wait for my feet, my hip and my knees to stop hurting. I cannot wait to go clothes shopping with my daughters and try on clothes together. I cannot wait to be able to run an entire 5K without walking. I cannot wait to go to an amusement park with my kids and OUTLAST my family. I cannot wait for my youngest daughter to be able to wrap her arms fully around me. I cannot wait to be in the front row in my body pump class and be that girl that is keeping up with the instructor. I cannot wait to RUN my first marathan with my husband and girls waiting at the finish line to cheer me on. I cannot wait to be 110 pounds lighter. I cannot wait to LIVE the rest of my life.
Why
I am not sharing for sympathy, I am sharing to break a silence that has paralyzed me for years. I am sharing to help others out from under their shame and silence. It is OK to let your fears be known. It highlights your strengths more than weaknesses.
"Once we know our weaknesses they cease to do us any harm" Georg C. Lichtenberg. OWN your weaknesses. Know them. Work them. Change them. I am, and I have NO regrets.
Every.Last.Step
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